Retail Therapy

I have worked in retail for years. Many years. All through college and for a few years before I got my first "real" after college job. I worked for one major department store, one teenage girl clothing and accessory store, one rich bitch "I have too much money and time on my hands" clothing and accessory store and one short lived bath and beauty store gig. I worked in the business too long. But I did learn a lot.

I learned a lot about marketing. I learned how to market to teenage girls (yikes) and how to market to low income shoppers. I learned that merchandise on tables sells better than merchandise on hangers. I learned you can sell anything to a man coming into a store with his teenage daughter. I learned that rich women prefer to have less merchandise on the floor and low income women prefer to have more merchandise on the floor. But, above all, I learned that people are more likely to buy a bottle of lotion if it is one centimeter away from the edge of the table instead of one inch.

I also learned a lot of neat things about shoplifters. You know that annoying person that greets you at the front of the store and bombards you with information on sales and credit cards? Be courteous to them and don't ignore them or you'll be watched the entire time you're in the store by loss prevention. Avoiding sales people is the first sign that you are a shoplifter. In addition, don't come into a store with a group of friends and then split up, especially if you don't like attention from sales clerks. One neat thing I found out from working retail is that shoplifters come in all ages, races and socioeconomic backgrounds. But, from my experience, they do tend to be women. I never saw a guy get busted.

The most important lesson I took away from my years of working retail is that it's a sorry way to earn a living. And your employer doesn't give a crap about you. Everyone is replaceable. First off, I worked much harder at my retail jobs that I do on any given day at my desk job. I made minimum wage at my retail jobs compared to the millions I currently make (joke). Except at the rich lady store. There I started off at $10 an hour, but they were going to bring me down to $9 because I failed to sell any store credit cards. ( Stores and their god forsaken credit cards can be a whole other blog entry.) Raises are non-existent and there is no such thing as career advancement at such places.

Also, you are expected to wear their clothes. I had major issues with this at the rich lady store. Even with my 15% discount, I could not afford at $60 t-shirt and $200 skirt. If we have to wear their clothes, they should be given to us for free, since technically we are required to wear uniforms.

Another thing is the shifts. I drove all the way to the goddamn mall to work 4 hours! For $7.50 an hour. Totally worth the gas it took to get me there....NOT!

And forget about calling in sick. That, for real, is grounds for termination. At every retail job I've ever had, if you can't come in to work you HAVE to find someone to cover your shift. At the department store, you were fired if you didn't. At the teenage girl store, you lost hours if you didn't. At the rich lady store, you were placed in a position where it was impossible to earn any commission, like doing stock or cleaning the bathroom.

Working retail is absolutely ridiculous. I was made to feel like a criminal at every job I had. Since the retail industry firmly believes employees steal more than customers, security is tighter than a maximum security prison. After your shift, you have to be walked out of the store by a manager. At the entrance, in front of the entire mall, your manager checks your coat pockets and opens and rummages through your purse before you are allowed to leave. Boys have their pockets checked. There are more security cameras in the backroom then there are on the sales floor. Each cashier has their own code to enter into the computer and everything you do is monitored.

Most importantly, no retail employee gets paid enough to deal with the customers. I have had store boxes thrown in my face (hilarious story for another time), found dirty diapers in the fitting rooms, caught people fornicating in the fitting rooms and was a personal shopper for rich white women who are too lazy to shop for themselves. I also saw a 13-year-old's breasts when she decided to walk out of her fitting room with nothing but skanky panties on.

Obviously, the worst time to work retail is during the holiday season. My theory is that the crabby poor people save up their money all year and only come to the mall during December. Shoppers without money are the ones who think they are entitled to anything they want. I have never had a rich person try to haggle prices with me like we were at a damn flea market. Low income people watch those prices on the register and argue all of it. And yes, 100% of the time they are wrong. Never again will I work with low income shoppers.

I dread the day I get laid off from my comfortable office job. Retail is what I go back to every time I'm unemployed. Most likely I will be returning to a career at the mall at some point. Can't wait.